单身男女

未看这套片之前, 上网看到一篇超爆笑的评论. 一位个男士狂插这套片之桥段的荒谬和不和情理之能事, 简直达到令人发指的地步. 原文很长, 由于有朋友看不懂中文, 我特地将之翻译成英文, 不过凭我的能力, 当中的笑料很难原汁原味翻译出来, 也不知英语人能领会多少.

这套片轻轻松松将之当成是科幻片就行, 爆笑位笑下, 女士们别太认真对待才好.

伸延阅读:

單身男女 - 我老婆5分滿分給10分，我他媽的給0分的電影

Don't Go Breaking My Heart - If 5 score is full score, my wife give 10 and I give 0.

他娘的！上次看到我想拿出小刀狠狠地割裂戲院真皮座椅的電影，我還真的忘記是哪一部了！

Son of the bitch! I can't remember the latest movie I have watched that make me so pissed off and want to cut the cinema's chair.

杜琪峰，韋家輝，你們兩個完完全全地把我對你們僅有的期待一Q清袋了。

Tu Qi Feng (a film director), Wei Jia Hui(another film director), you two have blow off all our hope on you.

好吧，如果你是瓊瑤大媽的fans, 喜歡那種一群男主角毫無理由地就死心塌地喜歡上女主角的劇情，或者你就是古天樂或者Daniel ~~ (請用震音朗讀)的 fans, 那妳應該會看得high 翻天。

Ok. If you are a fan of Qing Yao (a famous love story writer), if you like the story which told you once male characters in love with girls, their love will be unshakable or if you a great fan of Johnny( a main actor of this movie) or Daniel (another main actor) ~ (please vibrate your throat), you should be very high when you watch this movie.

可是如果你跟我一樣是個佬，你的感覺應該跟吃了兩堆大便沒什麼分別。

However, if you are a guy like me, your feeling should like taking shit.

××× 嚴重劇透注意 ×××

XXX Spoiler alert XXX

他媽的我好歹也在中環上了三年班，透明窗戶對面什麼時候會出現混血鬼妹脫裙子給你看屁股然後玩一夜情的？有沒有！！有沒有！！要有這種好事的話我馬上辭職不干EO回去中環按計數機。不過這個也就算了，電影嘛～～ 虛構嘛～～

I have worked in Central for fucking 3 years, is it possible that a foreign beauty perform a strip show in front of a large window and then have one night stand with you? Would it happen? Would it happen? If there is such a good thing, I immediately quit my EO job and go back to Central to work. But it's ok, after all, it's a movie~~ Imaginary world ~~

古天樂跟吳彥祖的角色是什麼人？一個是投資銀行亞太區總裁兼頂級靚仔，一個是建築師事務所老闆兼曠世型男。如果說十年修得同船渡，千年修得同床枕的話，那高圓圓是不是要在三葉蟲時代就開始行善積德呢？這兩個論外形論才華都傲視群雄的男人為什麼要對她死心塌地呢？吳彥祖還勉強可以說是人生低潮期互相扶持，但是古天樂根本從頭到尾就是一個花花公子好不好？見了第二次面就要跟高圓圓求婚，導演編劇你們當我是傻子呢，還是傻子呢？還是傻子呢！

Johnny and Daniel's characters depicted what kind of guys? One is CEO of an investment bank in Asia Pacific Region and super handsome guy, another is a boss of an architecture company and super cool guy. There is a proverb saying "ten years spiritual practice can make you take the same boat with someone, a thousand years spiritual practice can make you share a bed with someone." If it is true, then I believe Kao Yuan Yuan (the main actress) had started her spiritual practice when only trilobite existed in the earth. Why both men excelled in appearance and talent would fall in love with her unshakably on the first sight? For Daniel, you can say there has been mutual support, but for Johnny, he is a just a player. When Johnny see Kao Yuan Yuan the second time, he proposed marriage. Are those film director and script writer treat customer as a fool? A dupe? Or a simpleton?

我還記得之前不知道在哪裡看到槍手的文章，說

I remember there is a passage saying:

(* ﾟーﾟ)σ “韋家輝炮製的浪漫追女技巧，值得男士們偷師。”

(* ﾟーﾟ)σ “Wei Jia Hui created movies to show techniques of romance, men should learn from them. ”

( ﾟДﾟ)∩ “都有些什麼浪漫技巧呢？”

( ﾟДﾟ)∩ “What are those techniques?"

(* ﾟーﾟ)σ “比如說打電話叫女孩來幫忙試跑車，然後說這輛車是你的了。”

(* ﾟーﾟ)σ “For example, you call a girl to test a car, and then say this car is yours."

( ﾟДﾟ)∩ “... ...”

(* ﾟーﾟ)σ “或者說要女孩來海景單位幫忙看樓，然後說這層樓是你的了。”

(* ﾟーﾟ)σ “Or you call a girl to buy a flat with sea view, and then say this flat is yours."

( ﾟДﾟ)∩ “... ...”

(*゜▽゜)ﾉ “那傢伙太拜金了，還是分享下我的技巧吧。”

(*゜▽゜)ﾉ “That guy is too materialist, I share my techniques to you."

( ﾟДﾟ)∩ “你的浪漫技巧是什麼呢？”

( ﾟДﾟ)∩ “What's your techniques then?"

(*゜▽゜)ﾉ “很簡單啦，比如拿女主角的身影設計一棟大樓。”

(*゜▽゜)ﾉ “It's so simple, you can use the lady's shadow to design a building."

( ﾟДﾟ)∩ “... ...”

(ノ ﾟДﾟ)ノ　＝＝＝＝　┻━━┻ （翻桌） “ 他媽的我學條毛呀！”

(ノ ﾟДﾟ)ノ　＝＝＝＝　┻━━┻ （turn the table upside down) “ How can I fucking learn it?”

當然，上面舉的例子並非全部，但是都他媽的是其他愛情電影炒到爛掉的舊橋而已，隔窗示愛的橋段在澳洲短片Sign裡能找到，post-it 砌圖案可從”全城熱戀“裡看到。我是該說天下文章一大抄，還是說 “借鑒！電影人的事，能算偷麼？” 呢？

Of course, all the examples above are not the whole storyline, however others are copycat from other movies. To say loving you over the window from another building is copying from an Australian video, "Sign". Using post-it to build a drawing can been seen from ”Hot Summer“. You know all people in cultural circle are paraphrasing from somewhere or using others as a reference. How can we criticise the film directors stole from others?

還有就是那女主角匪夷所思的行動，怎麼看都不是正常人的反應好不好！人家吳彥祖說自己是建築師，然後給妳鼓勵讓你脫離前男友的陰影，妳一口答應跟人家約會。轉頭上網看到古天樂是CEO妳馬上就把吳彥祖的約會給扔到九霄雲外。好了等你發覺古天樂逢場作興，跑去人家辦公室又潑水又胡鬧，幾年後再見面馬上就辭職抗議，結果人家送樓送車送傢私妳就笑逐顏開。。。 明明昨天妳還指著古天樂的鼻子罵“賤男！！！”的。。。

Besides,  behaviour of Kao Yuan Yuan is incomprehensible, you cannot believe she gave normal responses, alright? When Daniel said he was an architect and supported you to pass through the sorrow from previous boyfriend, you promised his dating instantly. Then, you checked up Johnny's background from internet and found that he was a CEO, you forgot Daniel right away. OK, when you found that Johnny was a womaniser, you went to his office to make a scene. When you saw him again after several years, you confronted to him and resigned immediately. But then when he bought you a flat and a car, you smiled again。。。 You have just criticised Johnny a "cheap man" right before that!!!

凸(ﾟДﾟ#) “這不是港女是什麼！”

凸(ﾟДﾟ#) “Is she a typical "Kong girl", isn't she?”

這還沒完！人家吳彥祖突然出現又是親自下廚又是大玩魔術，各種溫馨各種浪漫，妳感動得痛哭流涕之後就去跟古天樂約會！！！

It's not finished yet! When Daniel cooked for you and performed magic, did every romantic acts, you felt so sweet and burst into tears, and then you went to date with Johnny immediately !!!

o(￣皿￣)o "對象搞錯了好不好！！ "

o(￣皿￣)o "Picking the wrong partner, OK??!!!"

然後古天樂又是黐了唔知邊條孖筋，居然在箍煲的關鍵時刻走去撩女仔！！女主角一怒之下跟了吳彥祖回蘇州，然後在吳彥祖表白的時候淚奔說“我還是愛古天樂的。” 等到古天樂真心悔改，又是找人拉小提琴，又是寫血書求婚之後，女主角稍微猶豫了一下就答應了吳彥祖的求婚！！

Johnny was crazy too, how could he fancied other girls when he was almost able to win back the heart of the Kao Yuan Yuan? The lady was so angry that she fled back to home in Suzhou with Daniel. When Daniel said he loved her, she replied that she was still in love with Johnny. When Johnny was really willing to change for her, found someone to play violin and  painted a  bloody banner to propose marriage, Kao Yuan Yuan considered for awhile and then accepted the marriage proposal from Daniel!!

(ﾟДﾟ≡ﾟДﾟ)?

這女人的腦子是什麼構造！！！這編劇是那個仆街！！！ 這導演怎麼可能允許這種劇情！！！！

What's the structure of this lady's head!!! Who is the fucking script writer!!! How can the film director approve this kind of storyline!!!

各種坑爹各種嘔血呀！！！ 滿心歡喜陪老婆入場看電影的老公們你傷不起呀！！！

All these are "vomiting blood"!!! For those happy husbands who accompany your wives to watch this film cannot bear it!!...!

我他媽是受夠了拿著合拍片的資金拍出狗屎來的港產導演們，香港電影本來就沒多少的名譽都他媽給你們敗光了！！

I fucking bear enough for those directors using joint venture capital to make movies like this, the last honour of Hong Kong's films are swept away by you.

p.s. 女生們可以無視我的咆哮，如果妳們要的是被兩個靚仔毫無道理猛烈追求的感覺， 這部電影是我的誠意推薦。

p.s. Girls can ignore my roaring. If you want the feeling of two guys falling in love with you senselessly, this film is highly recommended.